Couples Counseling in Montclair
When You’re Stuck in the Same Dynamic
Do you and your partner get stuck in the same arguments or patterns? Have you become more like roommates than romantic partners? If so, couples therapy can help you reconnect.
People come to couples work for all kinds of reasons — recurring fights that never quite resolve, a growing distance or loss of closeness, rebuilding trust after a betrayal, or getting through a hard stretch like a job loss, illness, or a new baby.
Whether you’re married or dating, this work — sometimes called marriage counseling or relationship counseling — helps the two of you feel like you’re on the same side again.
We all come to our relationships with baggage from growing up, and few of us are taught healthy communication skills. Even strong relationships are challenging at times. It’s helpful to have a caring but neutral person help you get unstuck and change the dynamics between you to create healthy ones. Improving communication, rebuilding trust and positive interactions gives you a deeper connection.
How Couples Therapy Works Here
The Gottman method provides a clear structure, so you are not at the mercy of an individual therapist’s inclinations. It also has flexibility for many situations. We will usually start with a joint session and then an individual session for each partner, and then rejoin together to continue the work.
I will share my observations without taking sides to help build the relationship between you. The goal is for you to make progress even when you are not in session, so you are not entirely reliant on the therapist. My somatic training allows me also to be attuned to the impact of two different nervous systems on the relationship and provides additional tools to use to create more harmony.
I have worked with people who have made significant improvement after only a few sessions because they took time to understand each other better. Often outside stressors take a toll on the relationship. Others with more complicated or challenging issues take longer to untangle their problems but the first step is to begin.
The Gottman Method
I have successfully completed Level 2 of the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy. This method is evidence-based and gives you many tools to move from conflictual to productive conversations which help you to be seen, heard, and understood. It allows you to get to the root of the problems rather than going in circles on the surface.
Is Couples Therapy Right for You?
Couples therapy works best when both of you genuinely want to be there and are willing to work on the relationship. If one partner has already decided to leave, or isn’t willing to truly engage, this usually isn’t the right fit — and it’s worth being honest with yourselves about that before you begin.
Common Questions About Couples Therapy
- What if only one of us is sure about coming?
Being reluctant isn’t the same as being unwilling. Often one partner is more hesitant than the other — sometimes because they’re worried about being blamed, or about hearing that the relationship is over. That’s worth naming rather than working around. What matters is that you’re both willing to give it a genuine try, not that you both arrive certain.
- What if we just end up arguing in front of you?
It happens, and it’s often useful — I get to see the pattern rather than only hear about it. But the point isn’t to have your worst fight in my office. The Gottman structure gives us a way to slow a conversation down and turn it into one where you can each be heard, and that is most of the work.
Wondering what the first session is like? See how getting started works.
Ready to take the first step?
Book a free 15–20 minute consultation to see if we’re a good fit, or send a message below with any questions.